Being a parent is CRAZY hard

When you sit down to write about being a parent, there is no telling what direction your post might go in. Already this morning I've drafted about four different versions of this post covering everything from my pregnancy and delivery to our (my) challenges with sleep training (or lack of sleep training). It's hard to make these topics fit on one sheet of paper. Each topic has about a thousand relevant subtopics! So, to keep it simple, I decided to write a list of 5 reasons why being a parent is crazy hard...for me.

1. I don't sleep. Ever.

A coworker told me that after you have a child, you will never sleep the same again.

From the day our baby was born, I can count, on one hand (actually, on three fingers) the number of times I have slept for more than 4 hours). A good friend once said that all babies are good at something. That something, for our baby, isn't sleeping. When my baby has a "good" night, I feel like I am always on "stand by" waiting for him to wake up. When he has a "bad" night, well, I am just always up!

I am pretty sure I will never NOT be tired again.

2. Where the heck is my Mom-fidence?!

(I wish I could say that I invented that word but after one google search it is clear that I am not nearly as clever as I thought!) Ok, but seriously, why am I so insecure when it comes to this mom business? I have my moments of self-doubt in life but something about managing the health and well-being of a vulnerable helpless infant makes my insecure-o-meter go through the roof! I'm always wondering if I am doing something "right". I am always sure that I did something "wrong".

3. I'm not paranoid! I just worry...a lot!

"Is he cold?", "Is he hot?", "You know, they say that overheating can cause SIDS.", "Does he have to burp?", "Did I burp him long enough?", "Is his diaper dirty", "Is he still breathing- just put your hand on his chest to double check.", "You know what, now that I think about it, 'across the hall' is a lot further than I thought- let's get a video monitor."

4. Do I feel judged because I judge others? Probably.

I am judgmental. There, I said it. And I know that my judging is a weakness and only exposes a deeper insecurity of my own, but I'll stop there before I cannibalize another post....

When I see a mom with her car seat on the handle bars of a shopping cart I can't help but think, "Doesn't she know that you are not supposed to do that?!" and raise my eyebrows as I strategically place fruits and veggies around the GINORMOUS car seat that is in (not on) my cart and figure out whether or not we really need toilet paper on this visit. I don't really know what to say about this one other than that there are about one million things I can do in a day that will "damage" my baby. I am sure I am going to inadvertently damage my child in one way or another- if not physically than definitely emotionally. It's about choosing the "lesser evil" sometimes and I need to remember that before I roll my eyes at other moms who are just trying to make things work.

5. Never say never- no, really, don't because you will just look like a hypocrite.

I will NEVER say NEVER again as it relates to a parenting method (for example, I am pretty sure at one point I said, "I would NEVER do sleep training. Well....). I also used to make fun of (er, ok, judge) parents who used baby leashes. Now, as a parent, I 100% understand why someone would want to use a protective baby harness at a crowded, pedophile-filled amusement park (see, once you are a parent, you don't see it as a "leash" anymore and you do assume that everyone is a pedophile- ok, not really but....refer to point 3).

I think I also said that I would never provide unsolicited baby advice. Ever.