How do you define the "beyond a mom" you?

I hope everyone had a great holiday season and is gearing up for an exciting year ahead!  This last year has been a busy one for my family.  I am just now feeling like I am getting back into the swing of things!  With two moves and a baby, it's been a lot to digest but as the crazy new baby days (daze?) slowly shift to the look-mom-I-can-sit-by-myself days, I've noticed that I am re-energized and re-focused on working on my personal goals.

This year I want to really hone in on the "beyond a mom" me.  The one who is quirky, energetic, and interested in any number of topics.

While I strive to be a very present and engaged mother, it's my goal to find opportunities this year that get me out of the stay-at-home-mom routine and enable me to tap into my other dimensions- the ones that have collected a bit of dust over the last two and a half years.

The "beyond a mom" me is passionate about graceful aging and healthy living.  She's interested in self-sufficiency, environmental sustainability, history and medicine.  She could spend hours looking at online real estate sites as she daydreams about her micro-cottage in the middle of nowhere.  And she dreams of one day having a job that allows her to really tap into these interests.

My goal this year is to investigate opportunities that allow me to learn about these passions.  While I am not an expert in any, I hope that I can explore them all!

How do you define your "beyond a mom" self?

Working On a Relaunch!

Time to brush off the ol' blog!

The "new baby" dust is beginning to settle and I'm starting to feel a bit more like myself (only this self is still in her bath robe and pj's!-- and for the record, this self is TOTALLY ok with that).

I'm refining my goals as a person and a parent and I want to use this space to showcase my point of view.  While I am still widdling down to the specifics, it goes a little something like this (hat tip to the Fresh Beat Band)...

Passionate about health and wellness as it relates to graceful aging, Kate is an avid beauty product junkie who loves her fair share of facials and skin peels!  Convinced that the fountain of youth lies at the cross roads of diet and exercise, this busy mom of two does her best to eat well and stay fit, but frequently falls short resorting to puffs, squeezey packs, toddler chasing and baby bouncing for her diet and exercise needs. 

Kate has a passion for family and enjoys being home with her two young sons. When she isn’t wearing the mommy hat, you can find Kate scoping out the latest beauty products, sweating it out at Pure Barre or indulging in her lifetime goal of one day being an on-air host for a show that enables her to explore and share health and wellness tips for graceful aging!

The Mom Mood

Today was the first day I had ever heard another mom "vent" about her LO.  Not just one of those silly complaints coupled with an eye-roll.  But a desperate and confused complaint followed up with a plea for advice.

It felt so good to see someone else complain because so often I feel like I am on the other side of that conversation.  For the first time ever, I sat there listening and thought to myself- thank goodness L is finally sleeping through the night.

I remembered the times that I would unroll my picnic blanket at the moms meet up, happily introduce myself and my son and eagerly bring up the topics of night feedings, early wake ups, and non-napping assuming that everyone must be feeling the stresses of new momhood only to feel silly and insecure when everyone just listened and smiled, politely acknowledging how tough it must be but never really joining in my, whats the word...misery?

L is a happy and healthy adorable little man.  And I am so lucky to be his mom.  I am even luckier that I get to stay home and be with him.

But depsite all of this "luck", I find that day after day I feel frustrated and unenergized.

And on those rare occassions that I am actually home and he is napping (as opposed to him napping in his stroller while we are out), those are the most amazing times- I can get things done or I can actually sit on the couch with a cup of coffee and watch mindless TV!  Sadly, those naps last, at a MAX one hour.

I hate sounding so ungrateful and complaining when we have a healthy baby boy, but the 5am wake up calls, the bickering with my DH about who is "on duty", the often daily struggle with bedtime, the heart wrenching experimenting with sleep training ....it takes so much out of me!

To top it all off, today L stabbed me in the eye with chop sticks (they seemed like such a benign toy to keep him entertained while we waited for our food) and as we scurried out of the restaurant, leaving our friends behind so that we could avoid a meltdown and get L to bed, I stubbed my toe so badly that I literally saw stars!

For the last 10 months I have been waiting for the dust to settle.  To hit my mom stride and to finally have it all figured out.  But each day brings another complex challenge and I am desperate to try and keep up (and I know what some people are thinking and I know you are right..."just wait until you decide to have another child").

Do I just need to acknowledge that this is the new norm.  That this mood I am often in (irritable, frustrated, maybe even a little depressed) is just the mom mood? 

Phrases, Cliches, and Sayings That Make So Much More Sense Now

Now that I am a mom, so many of the one-liners and phrases that were said to me before and during my pregnancy suddenly make a ton of sense. Here are a few...

Stock Up on Sleep:

This one used to make me laugh, but now I totally get it and whole-heartedly agree that, if this was possible, I should have definitely done it!

You'll know when it happens:

During my pregnancy I had a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. In the earlier months I realized that this didn't mean anything significant, but as weeks/months went on, I was always hopeful that a BH contraction might mean that labor was just around the corner. Whenever I discussed this with other moms, I was always told, "you'll know when it happens". This phrase bugged me because it was so vague but then, well, I went into labor and I "knew" it was happening.

Sleep when the baby sleeps:

It doesn't seem that hard, right? Except for the fact that I have a home to run and despite the bazillion of times I've heard this phrase, for some reason, sleep was always trumped by dishes, laundry, and/or shower. Sadly, I still have a hard time sleeping when he sleeps (like now)...but I really wish I had done more of this!

You Gotta Do What's Right for You:

So cliche but SO true. You can read every book, apply every bit of advice, but ultimately, you have to find your own system, your own technique. It's always good to ask advice and to learn from others, but at the end of the day, you really do have to do what's right for YOU.

A Mother's Love...:

When else in life are we ever ok with someone repeatedly waking us up in the middle of the night? Before you were a mom, did you ever giggle at bodily functions or laugh at bowel movements (correction: laugh at bm's that you would eventually have to clean up). And when else have you woken up after minutes of sleep, loving the person responsible for your lack of sleep even more than you loved them the day before?

It Gets Easier:

Getting out of the house still takes me at least 15 minutes (on a good day). I am still up at least two times a night (on a good night). Scheduling doctor appointments and playdates still stresses me out a little (ok, a lot). The car seat still weighs a million pounds (seriously...). The stroller is still broken (read: I still haven't figured out how to use it). Despite all of this, for some reason, it is easier. The job description hasn't changed, I have. I've learned to adapt and to be flexible. And most importantly, I've learned to never leave home without ample diapers, wipes, and a change of clothes- we learned this the hard way.

Ready, set, GO....GREEN!

...well, kind of "green". I am starting with my household cleaners primarily because that is the area in which my non-greenness is most apparent.

I am never more happy than when I walk into a clean scented organized space. But, I realize that a lot of the scents I associate with "clean" come with a few non-green consequences.

So here are my plans...

Step One:

Don't discard...donate. That's exactly what I planned to do with all of my not-so-green products (Clorox Bleach, Ajax, Swiffer WetJet, Fabric Softener Sheets, Lysol, Pledge). These are currently in a box at my doorway ready to make their way to the Liberty Humane Society.

Step Two:

Create a few essential cleaners from scratch (yes, as in homemade).

Step Three:

Purchase the things I can't make on my own.

Here is what I am left with:

• Vinegar, water, essential oils All-Purpose Cleaner (I used lavender and eucalyptus- my two favorite scents)
• Washing Soda, Borax, Lavender & Eucalyptus Laundry Detergent
• Lavender & Eucalyptus Dryer Sheet (well...reusable rag)
• Method Flushable Wipes
• Murphy's Oil
• Mrs. Meyers Lavender Fabric Softener*
• Mrs. Meyers Hand Soaps*
• Rags (the amount of paper towels we go through is embarrassing)

(*After some research, it turns out, that Mrs. Meyers might not be the greenest of products but it is certainly on the green spectrum. And it is impossibly hard not to love these adorably designed, deliciously scented products for the home :)

And there you have it, folks- my cleaning kit for the next several weeks! Hope I can keep it up!!

Thank you, Dr. Starbucks

I don't always appreciate snarky blog posts that criticize people who likely have only the best of intentions, but there is something just so laugh-out-loud funny about posts that focus on topics like, "What NOT to say to a pregnant woman."

I wanted to share a few real life scenarios that still make me laugh. I've also included my witty and clever retorts (that I thought of about a day or two afterward ...sigh).

"Should you be drinking that?!???"

Wow, I had no idea they were teaching prenatal care at Starbucks barista school.

"OMG, You are HUGE!"

If you think I'm huge, you should see my maternity underwear."

"You Must Be Due Any Minute!"

Nope, still have about eight weeks to go...so...ya...well...could you pass the stapler?" (I couldn't think of anything witty and clever so I figured I would rely on amplifying the awkward moment).

"Babe, when can we have another one?!"

Just as soon as I graduate from my disposable underwear lined with tuck pads and when I can go to the bathroom without using a water bottle :) (For anyone who doesn't have experience with this type of thing, let me know...I'll explain).

"Tell Me Everything!"

Well, first there was this thing they call a mucous pl....

(it's for my readers' safety that I don't share the entire ordeal. But the real reason you don't ask this of a new mom is because, as you requested, she will likely tell you ev.reee.thing!). In a strange, kind of heroic, "ya, I did that", kind of way, I loooved sharing these details. My husband, on the other hand, was not so comfortable reliving the entire procedure...er, I mean, "experience".

Grace...Not Perfection

I am my own worse critic. There are a lot of things in life that I am insecure about and mommy-hood has opened up an entirely new dimension to my insecurity. But with the exhaustion, the daily challenges, and the steep learning curve, I just don’t have time for my insecurities anymore. The second guessing, the mommy comparing, and everything else that unfolds in the mommy universe.

I am using this post as my declaration to rise above my self doubt and give myself a pat on the back for getting this far. For raising a happy and healthy baby and managing to keep up with his frequent night wakings, his fast approach towards the fussy teething stage, and the absolutely adorable (albeit messy as sin) experimentation with solids.

I need to stop pretending that this is easy or telling myself that it shouldn't be this hard. I need to be honest that on most days, I don’t even put on a bra, let alone shower. On the days I do shower, it is less about my personal hygiene and more about an opportunity for privacy, alone time, and a breather.

I need to be ok with “coming undone” and to learn to love the frazzled, frizzy-haired, totally strung out woman who looks back at me in the mirror. I need to be less needy of the peer compliments and more willing to be my own cheerleader; my own best friend.

I need to remind myself that every really great mom has/will come across her challenges. It might not be now but at some point whether it’s with teething, sleep regression, SATs or college visits, any mom who is trying her best will stumble over a parenting obstacle.

I need to remember my parenting goals- raising a happy and healthy baby who is compassionate and confident. And the easiest way to teach these traits is to be/do/embrace these traits. And most of all, I need to strive for a standard of grace and not perfection.