Today was the first day I had ever heard another mom "vent" about her LO. Not just one of those silly complaints coupled with an eye-roll. But a desperate and confused complaint followed up with a plea for advice.
It felt so good to see someone else complain because so often I feel like I am on the other side of that conversation. For the first time ever, I sat there listening and thought to myself- thank goodness L is finally sleeping through the night.
I remembered the times that I would unroll my picnic blanket at the moms meet up, happily introduce myself and my son and eagerly bring up the topics of night feedings, early wake ups, and non-napping assuming that everyone must be feeling the stresses of new momhood only to feel silly and insecure when everyone just listened and smiled, politely acknowledging how tough it must be but never really joining in my, whats the word...misery?
L is a happy and healthy adorable little man. And I am so lucky to be his mom. I am even luckier that I get to stay home and be with him.
But depsite all of this "luck", I find that day after day I feel frustrated and unenergized.
And on those rare occassions that I am actually home and he is napping (as opposed to him napping in his stroller while we are out), those are the most amazing times- I can get things done or I can actually sit on the couch with a cup of coffee and watch mindless TV! Sadly, those naps last, at a MAX one hour.
I hate sounding so ungrateful and complaining when we have a healthy baby boy, but the 5am wake up calls, the bickering with my DH about who is "on duty", the often daily struggle with bedtime, the heart wrenching experimenting with sleep training ....it takes so much out of me!
To top it all off, today L stabbed me in the eye with chop sticks (they seemed like such a benign toy to keep him entertained while we waited for our food) and as we scurried out of the restaurant, leaving our friends behind so that we could avoid a meltdown and get L to bed, I stubbed my toe so badly that I literally saw stars!
For the last 10 months I have been waiting for the dust to settle. To hit my mom stride and to finally have it all figured out. But each day brings another complex challenge and I am desperate to try and keep up (and I know what some people are thinking and I know you are right..."just wait until you decide to have another child").
Do I just need to acknowledge that this is the new norm. That this mood I am often in (irritable, frustrated, maybe even a little depressed) is just the mom mood?
